Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
