Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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