you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
