Don't you send me to vm
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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