I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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