I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
