none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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