Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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