when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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