He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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