so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
