So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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