Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
