so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
