I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You took a bar mat shot.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
