Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Is it penis luge time yet?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
