A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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