Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
