It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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