whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have aggressive nipples.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
