Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
