weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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