i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I party with great urgency now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
