question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
