I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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