Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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