That reminds me...we need to get swords
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
