How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
