he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
