You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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