Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you didnt know i had herpes?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
