U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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