The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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