it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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