I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
