i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just pee around me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
