everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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