I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
