Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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