Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
