I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
