clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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