Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
