He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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