Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
