Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
