plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
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