my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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