White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
