my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
