I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
