so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We had to coat check the pizza.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
