So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
